Affirming All Those I Love: An Ally's Story

by Jene Schoenfield

I didn't grow up in the church. My first church home was a Lutheran church in suburban California. I went there through most of my high school years. That's where I was introduced to a loving God full of abundant grace. It was a good church with good people. But as a church, they didn't believe that God's abundant grace extended to gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people. This made me a little uneasy, but I tried not to think too much about it because they made me feel welcome, and I was happy there.

It got harder to ignore when my best friend, who also attended this church, came out as a lesbian. She really struggled with self-doubt, even self hate, because the church which was her home, and with which her family was affiliated, regarded her as a sinner. I confess, I was not ready to take a principled stand at this point in my life. I loved my friend, and I tried to comfort and reassure her, but I continued to attend that church until I moved away to college.

At college, I stumbled into a UCC church, First Congregational Church of Berkeley, CA. That's where I first heard about "Open and Affirming" congregations. Finally, I had found a place where the life of the spirit was not opposed to the life I lived every day. I attended First Congregational all through college; it was a wonderful church home for me.

When I moved to Durham, North Carolina, for graduate school, I went to the UCC website specifically to find a church that was Open and Affirming. At that time, of the nine UCCs in Durham and Chapel Hill, United Church of Chapel Hill was the only one that was Open and Affirming. (Pilgrim in Durham is now also Open and Affirming, and I was proud to sit beside them at North Carolina's Pride Festival.) I chose to attend United Church because they were Open and Affirming.

The God I believe in I know does not judge people for whom they love. God's love and abundant grace extends to all God's people. Surely, my love for my friend is not greater or more generous than God's love. The Open and Affirming commitment of United Church was a sign to me that this was a place that believed, as I do, in an expansive, inclusive God.

United Church is now my church home.

I am proud and deeply grateful to be in a place that accepts and affirms all those that I love. I can no longer be part of a place that would reject people that I care about, and having found an Open and Affirming church, I have made many new and dear friends that would not have been welcomed elsewhere. My church home is, as I home my own home will be, a place of warmth that greets all who come to it with open arms. Thank you, United Church, for being my home and my family.

Jene Schoenfeld is a graduate student in English at Duke University, Durham, NC. She chairs the young adults committee at United Church and sings in United Voices of Praise (a joint, gospel choir with Fisher Baptist Church. She considers herself a "straight ally" and is very proud to be part of an ONA church. These words were her testimony on the occasion of the 10th ONA Anniversary of United Church in Chapel Hill.